Paradise Diner
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Scene III
(Darla, Susan and another waitress, Ginny, are giving each other backrubs in a row.)
Darla: Switch!
(All three turn at the same time and start rubbing in the reverse order.)
Ginny: Can you believe it’s already December?! What happened to the fall?
Darla: It fell, silly. (Snorts at her joke.)
(Daryl, a dishwasher, comes dashing out from the back and pours himself coffee into a huge tumbler, drops a few ice cubes in it and then chugs half of it. All three of the women watch him as they rub.)
Daryl: (talks fast due to caffeine) Hey!
All: Hi Daryl...
Daryl: Snaap!! It’s hot back there!
Susan: Yeah, I know....do you have the big fan on?...it helps me a lot when I stand near the washing machine.
Daryl: (really fast, almost in one breath) No worries! I was out late last night at this concert–JM Cheezy Mad D Master Nugget –have you seen them? Probably not, but these guys were straight and I was like, maaaannnn, I got to git up and git to the diner but it’s all good because I have mother’s little helper here (chugs glass). Did you see on the news about that guy who worked in Brooklyn for a shipping company and then had four weeks of vacation coming so he shipped himself home in a box to his parents–right down in DeSoto–and he charged it to his shipping company? When the driver opened the truck door the guy pushed himself out of the box and shook the driver’s hand and the driver just about had a heart attack! Then the driver called the police, and the guy finally got arrested for being a stowaway! (Laughs and slaps his hand on the counter loudly) Man, if it were me, I woulda just waited until the driver left and then I woulda been home free! I mean, what was he thinking–jumpin out of the box in front of the driver!–I mean, you’d have to be a fool to get that far and then be like–“Happy Birthday!!”–or, “Ha, ha!–look, I was in the box and you never knew it!!” I mean, like, what was he thinkin? One time–(chugs more coffee)–me and my friend Paulie, we were in his house and we were playing like spaceship or somethin inside this big washing machine box and nobody knew we were in there and his parents came in and they were all like lovey-dovey on the couch and I don’t know, man...I don’t think Paulie was ever right after that...(chugs rest of coffee, wipes his mouth on his sleeve.) Well, you ladies take care, hear?
(Plows through the door back into the kitchen.)
Susan: Thanks...Daryl.....
Darla: How long has he been working here?
Susan: Two days.
Darla: Bets on how long he lasts. I say one more day...
Ginny: I say two more days.
Susan: You ladies are underestimating the power of caffeine. He may want to quit, but his addiction might not let him. As long as I can keep that coffee pot filled, he could be ours for at least two months.
Darla: Switch! (They flip around and massage each other in the other direction.)
Ginny: What’s the longest we’ve ever kept a dishwasher...besides you and your Dad, of course...
Susan: Remember that guy–Robert?
Darla: Oh yeah! The tense one who never spoke...the one we kept worrying was just gonna go postal on us all one day?
Susan: Yup. He lasted nine months. And when he left, he said it in three words: “I gotta quit.” That was it. No explanation, no goodbye. I gave him his last check, he pocketed and walked out the door. But I’ll tell ya, he did a darn good job of cleaning those pots.
Darla: Why do you suppose it’s so hard to keep a dishwasher?
Ginny: Because it’s hard, sweaty, boring work and you have to deal with other peoples’ garbage?
Darla: Just pay them really well–like this amazing, massive amount per hour!
Susan: We pay dishwashers a lot. They usually make more than you do when they start out.
Darla: (Stops the massaging) What?!
Susan: We raise their pay very quickly, too. No matter how much you pay someone, you can’t pay them enough to make up for loneliness...it’s lonely work...
Ginny: Oswaldo is doin a good job.
Susan: Yes he is. He and Lara are both so young and focused—they’ll move on eventually, but I’ll miss them.
(Chris enters the diner. The three women call out “CAM-E-LLO!”)
Chris: Hey!
Susan: Chris, today’s special is chicken pot pie…your favorite….
Chris: Nah, sorry I can’t stay. I just wanted to ask you about the offer the Hering Brothers made on your place. What did you and Buck decide?
Susan: (smiling) Are you serious? You know my dad would never sell this place, Chris! I think he was pretty offended that they even asked. And you know him--now he’s all suspicious that they’re out to get us!
Darla: Good Lord…that man is skipping without a rope!
Chris: Okay, well I’ve gotta run—see ya!
(Chris exits and right after Jill comes bounding through the door)
Jill: MOM!! GUESS WHAT!!
Susan: (looks startled) What?
Jill: (spins around) You’ll never guess in a million, billion, decillion years!!
Ginny: What’s a decillion?
Jill: A one with thirty-three zeros behind it!
Ginny: Oh.
Darla: A millionaire just proposed to you!
Ginny: You bought a sheep ranch!
Darla: You got on reality show–dang it! Do you know how many times I’ve tried out for those shows?! Survivor didn’t want me…then American Idol didn’t want me…then Wife Swap didn’t want me….
Ginny: You’re not married…
Darla: Oh. Well, that explains it.
Susan: What is it, honey?
Jill: (barely containing herself) Read it!
Susan: “We are pleased to inform you of your early acceptance to PRINCETON UNIVERSITY AND AN AWARD OF A FULL ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP!!” (Mother and daughter jump around in total excitement)
Darla: WELL I WANT IN ON THIS!! (She jumps around with them. Ginny comes over and joins them. All four are jumping around in a circle, over and over until they’re jumping up and down together like four kangaroos. A man walks into the diner, sees them, turns around and walks out in one motion.)
Susan: MY DAUGHTER! THE GENIUS!!
Ginny: Ain’t it the truth!
Jill: (They stop jumping.) I just can’t believe it Mom! Do you know what this means?!
Susan: My bank account has a pretty good idea!
Jill: It means I’m probably gonna get into some other really good places... I’ll have some choices...
Darla: Now don’t get greedy, honey. Besides you can’t get much better than a full scholarship! And Princeton!
Susan: When do you have to tell them?
Jill: Soon...in four weeks. If I don’t sign on by the deadline, they’ll give it to someone else.
Darla: Girl, you better grab that money and run with it!
Susan: She still has some time...(smiling proudly) Come over here, Jill. I want to talk to you for a minute.
Darla: This is the most exciting thing that’s happened here since Mrs. Godfrey drove her old Chevy through the front windows!! (She and Ginny head into the kitchen.)
Susan: Honey, I’m so proud of you. I can’t even tell you...
Jill: I know you are, Mom.
Susan: You’ve worked so hard for this. You deserve this and so much more.
Jill: Thanks, Mom. You’ve always been there for me...and Dad too, in his own way. He’s gonna flip when I call him!
Susan: He’ll probably drive straight here from Colorado just to give you a hug! I want to tell you something: (slowly and carefully) The greatest thing in my life has been being your mother.
(Jill smiles and hugs Susan.)
Susan: When you were a little girl, we always liked to watch Disney movies together, remember?
( Jill nods.)
Susan: The first one I remember showing you was when you were five-years-old–it was The Little Mermaid. And do you know what the first thing was that you said after a few minutes of watching the movie?
(Jill shakes her head.)
Susan: You said, “Where’s her mommy?” And then we watched Beauty and the Beast, and you asked the same thing–“where’s her mommy?” And it was the same with Cinderella and Snow White and I felt really bad because I had to keep telling you that their mothers were dead and gone. I couldn’t figure out why all the stories were like that...I guessed it was because most of the writers were men and it was just easier to kill off the mothers than to have to write parts for them...and then I thought, well, my mother died when I was twelve, so maybe there are a lot of girls without their mothers.
Jill: No, I’d go with your first theory.
Susan: It’s a shame isn’t it? There should be more stories about mothers and daughters...about how good their relationships can be...I hate when some of the old timers come in here and they talk about how “mothers and daughters always fight,” or “you know how it is with girls....”
(They Sing Mothers and Daughters Song)
Mothers and Daughters (Belong Together)
(Susan)
When you were only a tiny baby I knew that it was my fate
to live with you through life’s ups and downs
it’s our job when we procreate
But never could I imagine the joy a daughter could bring
being here for you day by day
is truly a wonderful thing
Mothers and daughters belong together
daughters need mothers, to guide the way
mothers and daughters in every weather
mothers and daughters, it’s not cliche
How was your day dear, tell me how it went?
(Jill)
I hope you’ve got hours cause boy I need to vent!
(Susan)
Let’s shop for new clothes, then we can stop for lunch
(Jill)
Macey’s might have a shoe sale, I don’t know, it’s just a hunch
(Susan)
mothers and daughters, Ruth and Naomi
daughters with mothers– throughout all time
mothers and daughters, (Jill) Blythe and Gwyneth
mothers for daughters, a love sublime
(Jill)
I don’t feel well mom, could you make me some of your tea?
(Susan)
Oh, you don’t feel well? I wish that it could be me!
(Jill)
Let’s make cookies I’ll eat right out of the bowl
(Susan)
Let’s make cookies and you show some self control!
(Both)
Mothers and daughters a true connection
daughters need mothers to understand
mothers to daughters giving protection
mothers need daughters to lend a hand
Mothers and daughters a true connection
daughters need mothers to understand
mothers to daughters giving protection
mothers need daughters to lend a hand
(Back and forth)
(Laughing, talking, listening, walking, cooking, sharing, nagging, caring
shopping, giving, loving, living, growing, reading, watching, needing (16 beats of silence)
(Both)
Mothers and daughters belong together
daughters need mothers, to guide the way
mothers and daughters in every weather
mothers and daughters, it’s not cliche (5 beats of silence)
Mothers and daughters!!
Susan: C’mon–let’s celebrate–where do you want to go?!
Jill: Here–this is where I want to celebrate!
Susan: Okay....PIE ON THE HOUSE FOR EVERYONE!! MY DAUGHTER IS GOIN’ PLACES!!
(Customers smile and applaud.)