Paradise Diner
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Scene IV
(Front of curtain. Kristine, Carrie and Rachel are on one side talking, Jason and Bo are on the other side of the stage, watching. Jill comes up to the girls and shares her news-not audibly to audience-they erupt in excitement.)
Bo: They sound like a bunch of mental patients. What do you suppose that’s all about?
Jason: Maybe Kristine finally got asked out by that German exchange student she’s been stalking.
Bo: I don’t think stalking is really the word...more like she’s a heat-seeking missile and he’s the heat.
Jason: Yeah, if I hear one more time about his “six pack” or his “chiseled good looks” or how “mature” German boys are, I’m gonna puke.
Bo: Yeah...just what is she implying anyway? That American boys aren’t mature?! (Throws his hands on his hips) I’d like to throw my Playstation at her!
Jason: Yeah, I’m gonna sic my pet Iguana, Georgie, on her!
(They laugh and high five each other.)
Bo: Seriously, when are you gonna ask Jill out?
Jason: Yaa–what!! Where did that come from?!
Bo: From you sayin’ last week that you wanted to ask Jill out. And from the fact that you’ve been in love with her since sixth grade.
Jason: Yo man, what are you delusional or something?!
Bo: (smiles) Don’t even deny it Loser, you know you are so into her...
Jason: Maybe, maybe not.
Bo: Ambivalent?
Together: Yes and no....
(They laugh and high five each other again.)
Bo: Just ask her out...go on...now’s the time...they’re all juiced up over something...you can ride the wave of good feelings...
Jason: You really think I should?
Bo: I know you should.. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen?
Jason: (Quickly) She says no and I feel crushed and humiliated and then it’s really awkward every time we’re around each other and gradually the strangeness just erodes our friendship and I start to spend less and less time with her and all my friends and then I just fade away.
Bo: That’s it?....
(Bo leaves, the other girls are leaving and Jill starts to skip in his direction across the stage. Sees Jason).
Jason: (calls to her quickly) Jill, I wanted to ask you something...
Jill: JASON!! HUG ME!!
(Jason goes to hug her, Jill throws herself up on his body and wraps her legs around him so that he is holding her up. Jason turns slowly till he makes eye contact with the audience–gives them a sly smile and the thumbs up.)
Jill: (Jumps down). Guess WHAT?!
Jason: If I guess do we get to do the hugging thing again?
Jill (Laughs and punches him in the arm.) No really, guess...
Jason: (Holding his arm from the pain.) You joined the ROTC...
Jill: No, I got into Princeton with a full academic scholarship!
Jason: (Stands silently for a few seconds) Wow.
Jill: Aren’t you psyched for me?!
Jason: No...I mean, yeah, of course! Wow, Jill, this is huge! (Hugs her again.) Congratulations!!
Jill: Thank you! (Sings) I’m so happy!
Jason: Yeah...you should be...
Jill: I’ve been running around looking for people to tell!
Jason: Oh...well, there’s a guy over there getting into his car...
Jill: (yells over) YOO-HOO! HEY MISTER MAN GETTING INTO YOUR CAR!! I JUST GOT INTO PRINCETON WITH A FULL ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP!! (waves to him)
Jason: (backs down onto a bench that’s on stage in front of curtain) It must be so nice to know what you’re gonna do with you life.
Jill: (sits next to him) Well, I don’t know if I’m going to go yet, and it’s not “my life”–just four years.
Jason: Yeah, but Princeton is a great school…
Jill: Well, I don’t want to brag, but YOU’RE RIGHT!! (Punches him in the arm--he almost falls over. Sighs loudly) My mom is probably having it printed on the inserts with tomorrow’s specials!
Jason: Oh, they all know, huh?
Jill: Well, I had to tell my mom first. (Looks at him) What’s up, Jay? You seem kind of down...
Jason: (pouting a bit) Oh nothing...
Jill: Come on…I’ve known you since we were five..I know when the Jaybird isn’t happy...what is it...
Jason: I don’t know. It’s senior year. Everyone seems to know what they want to do...they’re all applying to schools...you just got into Princeton...I have no idea what I want. (Pauses a minute.) Do you think I’m a goofball, Jill?
Jill: I think you’re a very sweet guy....
Jason: No! Don’t give me the pat answer–you know I never challenge myself, that I always take the easiest way...haven’t I always been kind of a joke to you guys?
Jill: What are you talking about?
Jason: Everybody thinks of me as the “funny man”–here comes Jason–let’s mess around...
Jill: I don’t think the question is what others think of you, I think the question is what do you think of yourself?
Jason: I think I’m just like the comment that’s been on my report card for the past ten years “Jason isn’t living up to his potential.”
Jill: Well, why not?
Jason: How should I know Dr. Freud? I hate school most of the time...I can’t stand sitting in desks and memorizing things...being herded around like a bunch of cattle hour after hour from class to class.
Jill: Hmm. I hate to say it, but I think you’ve just described the American system of higher education. You make it sound so miserable, though.
Jason: Hasn’t it been miserable for you?
Jill: No. I like school. (She sits up in a perky way as she says this and looks out at audience. Jason mimics her silently.)
Jill: Jason, you have all sorts of talents—you just haven’t been doing anything with them. Remember you used to write great poetry…and you were the fastest runner in the class? You’re smart and funny and—I don’t know…you just have to find something to get you motivated again. Well, I’ve got to get going–more people to corner with my news! You wanted to ask me something?
Jason: What?
Jill: When I first saw you, you said you wanted to ask me something...
Jason. Oh...um, nothing....see ya! (He jumps up and heads off stage right.)
Jill: (Looks out toward the back of the audience.) Hey out there! I just got into Princeton with a full scholarship!! (Runs off stage left.)