(Curtains closed. Darla walks out along front of curtains, purse over her shoulder, fixing a cap on her head as she is walking to work. Stops short when she sees audience.)
Darla: Oh! Hii-iii! What are ya’ll doin’ out there?! What a nice surprise! (Takes a confiding approach to audience) I’m on my way to work, but I always make it a point to be a few minutes late. That way Susan will really appreciate me. Let me tell ya, when Darla’s on the job, everything is smooth like butter!
(Sound of a cellphone is heard playing some funny music. Puts her hand to her head and peers out at the audience) Does someone have their cellphone on? (waits a minute while people near the front rows are looking around.) Oh! It’s mi-ine! (She laughs) My boyfriend Randy likes to change the music to surprise me! (Flips the phone open and the music can be heard louder.) Yeah–this is nice! I like this! (She does a funny dance to the music for 5-10 seconds, then flips the phone open.)
Hi Mom. (Waits a few seconds) Mom, I have no idea how you can get Roger to stop drinking out of the toilet....no, I don’t think it’s because of his “background”....(makes circular motion by her head to show the audience that she thinks her mother is crazy)...look Mom, when you take in a stray cat, you have to expect the unexpected....no, I really don’t think he’s in any danger-- cats don’t do things that are bad for them, they know better. They’re not stupid like dogs. Look Mom, I’ve got to go. I’m headed to work and I always make it a point never to be late. Bye!
(Flips phone closed and smiles in an amused way to audience.)
My mom. Where was I? Oh yeah, the diner can’t get along without me...you’ve heard that, too?